Hi, I’m Raining, or sometimes Raining Inside and maybe sometimes my actual name – Matthew. I create digital art that explores those in-between spaces: dissociation, identity, existential BS, squiggly lines, all those fun weird liminal feelings that don’t have proper names.

I’m built different. Specifically, I’m Audhd so I ramble and cuss and worry that people don’t like me, my mind is constantly spewing thoughts and intensity. Maybe I’ll post about it. Maybe not.

Truth be told, I am constantly seeking money, and like that one weird billionaire I’m constantly chasing youth. I feel like a loser. For a while I was on SSI. I felt like a loser then too. I went through a shit ton of therapy that actually made things worse and now I’m here, over-sharing. That’s pretty much my thing.

Some money making side quests I’ve been on – multiple POD shops (Print-on-Demand), I tried doing Stock photography. Tried Etsy, Fiverr. I started up a few YouTube channels, one where I drive around where I live doing UberEats/Mystery Visits, one where I just rambled and talked too quietly in some weird version of ASMR that became, you guessed it, me over-sharing.

For a long time “artist” was my main identifier, I guess now it’s Audhd (autistic/ADHD) haver. I’m even odd for an artist, in that, I genuinely don’t care and don’t freak out about generative AI. I wonder if I was a successful artist would I be upset at it? Maybe if I was making money doing this and was afraid of an AI doing it better or taking jobs away from me maybe I’d be upset about it? It can’t take a job you never got haha. But seriously, AI just isn’t a burden to my dumb artist brain. I created before AI, I will create after AI.

I don’t know what I’m doing with this site. For a long time people said you should have one. In the past they also said I needed a personal/business card – I tried making those but then I was too embarrassed to give it to anyone, except a couple people here and there, and then I felt ashamed and stupid because… I didn’t understand what I was supposed to accomplish once I gave it to anyone. Was this supposed to get me a job? A job doing what? Was this just a way of telling people I was an artist? I don’t even try and sell my artwork. I don’t really want to deal with selling my artwork. I don’t understand sales, or money, or why someone would want a drawing that I make, and I don’t make “finished” artworks, but somehow I should sell half assed drawings? There’s something not connecting with my mind about how life functions, how things work, why people do what they do and why they want what they want. Sometimes I think I understand. Like grasping a concept here and there, but it feels so ephemeral, my hand passes right through what I’m trying to grasp.

I now look back and see how many things I had done that I was just following someone’s explanations of how things worked. Though they would only tell me the initial steps, assuming I would figure out the rest – or even just figure out the purpose of the action itself. I understood the concepts of things, but never quite understood the actuality of them.

So what is the purpose of this site when people now say websites don’t matter because AI will scrape the internet and shove the info at people? I guess I’m writing this for AI. I really don’t know but I felt like doing it. So here I am, doing it.